I’m not sure Eminem has ever written about PR and journalism, or more specifically about the hostility that busy journalists perhaps justifiably feel towards those bombarding them with calls about new survey results or product news. But if did, well, maybe it would go something like this….

(I wrote this for a Creativity Week at Lansons Communications and was duly awarded best poem by visiting judge Philip Wells, aka, The Fire Poet.).

News Desk

So hello, you’ve a story. Well, I’ll give you a minute.
To explain it and spin it and hope I don’t bin it.
Don’t sell me. Just tell me, Keep it short. Keep it slick.
Don’t ‘How the hell…?”  “Are you well?” me. Just cut to the quick.
What’s it about? Spit it out. Don’t mumble. Don’t shout.
Have you facts and some stats? Something with clout?
Please don’t think I’ll just sit here and soak up your patter…
That I’ll listen, you’ll natter (yes, you’re good at the latter)
You can send an email – it’s fine, I won’t lose it.
If it’s news, I can use it: I sure won’t refuse it.
Just give me your best shot – and we’ll see if it flies.
Once I’ve had time to find some truth in your lies.
Reach my inbox, and I’ll grant you another ten seconds.
No attachments. No j-pegs, or obscurity beckons.
And don’t call me and say sometime later today.
“Have you read it?” – I dread it. There. Now I’ve said it.
You see, I’ve given you all the time I have to give.
The time you’re using, means I’m losing the will to live.
‘Cos your calls are so many, ten thousand a penny.
Are they useful, or “news-full”? Nah, hardly any.
And have you read what I write, just for some insight?
Try today’s paper, page seven, yeah – those black words on white.
Now back to your story – there’s no angle, no hook.
I see no good reason to even take a good look.
See it’s boring, can’t you hear me? “Zzz”, yes, I’m snoring.
Next time you call me, your call I’m ignoring.
‘I’m on deadline’’s my headline and so long for ever
“What about next time?” How about never?

(c) 2010 Simon Sanders